There’s nothing people love more than having arguments about what’s the greatest movie of all time. A lot of people will say Citizen Kane or Casablanca or The Godfather. Some people might throw a foreign movie at you, maybe Tokyo Story or The 400 Blows. Some really stupid people will even say The Shawshank Redemption.

But I’m here to tell you that all those people are as wrong as they could possibly be. I’m completely confident that I’m about to tell you about the best movie ever made, and I’ve never even seen the thing. Based solely on this trailer, I’m prepared to declare this the greatest cinematic achievement possible. The flick unleashes its direct-to-home-video magic later this month, so ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.

And yes, that was totally Debbie Gibson. Only in My Dreams did I imagine a movie about a shark and an octopus fighting would have Debbie Gibson in it; it seems to have come Out of the Blue! I would like to continue with jokes about “Lost in Your Eyes” and, of course, “Foolish Beat,” but I just can’t crack those nuts. But the point is, undersea monsters menacing Debbie Gibson!

If You Hated This, You Will Also Totally Hate:

• Let’s Talk About Jaws, Baby
• The Passion of the Christ
• Pinky and the Brain: Still Awesome
• Forgetting Sarah Marshall
• A Wish for Wings That Work