According to Variety, the inexplicably popular and oddly facial featured Johnny Depp is all gung ho to do a feature film version of Dark Shadows. And of course he wants to play Barnabas Collins, because he apparently thinks he is cool. This is what I have to say about that:

God damn you, Johnny Depp! God damn you to the very pit of hell! Why have you made it your life’s business to take a shit on everything I love?

Thank you for your time.

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