Rating:
The 1973 cult classic The Wicker Man is something of an oddity; even as you’re watching it, you’re not quite sure whether it’s stupid or grand. (This is in contrast to the 2006 remake, where you’re always sure what you’re watching is awful.) For example, when the goofy song “Corn Rigs” plays (and plays, and plays), you think the movie leans more toward Mystery Science Theater 3000 territory. It’s only after the film is over and you give it some thought and discussion that you can be certain you’ve just witnessed something extraordinary.

Police sergeant Howie (Edward Woodward) arrives unwanted on the Scottish island of Summerisle, famous for its one-of-a-kind produce. He’s investigating the disappearance, brought to his attention by an anonymous letter, of a young girl named Rowan Morrison. None of the island’s residents are at all helpful; at first they deny that any such person as Rowan ever existed, and when that is revealed as a lie they resort to other obfuscations or simple silence. A grave marked with Rowan Morrison’s name is found, but no death certificate is on file and nobody has anything to say about the circumstances of her death. Even the girl’s mother won’t go so far as to confirm she ever existed.

The people of Summerisle also practice an ancient pagan religion and make no secret about it, circumstances which don’t sit well with the priggish and rigidly Christian Sergeant Howie. He nearly has an infarction when he hears a classroom full of schoolgirls talking about phallic religious icons, and when he sees a group of  nubile young women dancing nude round a bonfire…well, it’s more than his delicate sensibilities can bear.

Howie eventually arranges a meeting with Lord Summerisle (Christopher Lee), the island’s leading citizen, who grants him permission to exhume the mysterious grave, explains the island’s pagan ways, and suggests maybe Howie would like to leave Summerisle before the next day’s May Day festival. With his Jesus-heavy values set, Sergeant Howie would no doubt find the celebration distasteful.

Howie may be 100% unlikeable and have an odd understanding of how far police authority extends, but he’s no fool—he knows that pagan rites and missing girls must surely add up to human sacrifice.

To say any more about the plot would be to say too much. The movie works because it gradually builds, and even though Howie is surrounded by behavior we might consider outlandish, events nonetheless make an internal kind of sense as they progress inexorably toward their conclusion.

Then, of course, you’ve got Christopher Lee. His Lord Summerisle doesn’t actually appear until about the halfway point, but once he’s on screen you can’t help but be spellbound. Lee has appeared in movies of the highest and lowest quality and everywhere in between, but he’s always a joy to see, even when, as in this picture, his haircut is pretty out of control.

Out of control awesome, I meanSomething in the tone of his voice and the way he carries himself compels the viewer’s eye, and makes him one of the film’s greatest assets.

Another thing that’s none too unpleasant for the eyes is the innkeeper’s daughter, Willow, played by Britt Ekland (who would appear with Christopher Lee again the next year in The Man With the Golden Gun). Among other things, she spends a great deal of time prancing around her bedroom naked and pounding on the walls, which is something I endorse with no reservations.

BRITT EKLAND BREAK: You may also remember seeing Britt Ekland in Get Carter, back when it was a great movie with Michael Caine instead of a terrible movie with Sylvester Stallone.

BRITT EKLAND PHOTO BREAK:

Just call me the man with the golden boner
For all these reasons and more, as they say, you should definitely give The Wicker Man a watch. If you saw the version with Nicolas Cage and, understandably, vowed to never look on anything called The Wicker Man ever again, it’s even more important that you see this original, both to wash the filth of the remake out of your mind and to show yourself that silly ideas can conceal real treasures.