Rating:

Could The Princess Diaries be any stupider? Objectively, the answer is no. Instead of a more traditional review, I’m just going to give you a list of some things that I like way better than The Princess Diaries.

Dropsy
Coprophagia
Being eaten by a Bengal tiger
Being eaten by a Cincinnati Bengal
Drying off with a damp towel
Swallowing a bug
Chronic naked grandparents
Tongue sandwiches
Skull crushed by a ball peen hammer
Apartment fires
Apartment fires on Christmas
Dropping my glasses in the toilet
Chronic dingleberries
Synchronized swimming
Child abuse
Synchronized child abuse
Jerking off in front of second grade teacher
The Phantom Menace
Wearing wet socks
Richard Simmons
Papercuts on the taint
Necrotizing fasciitis on the taint

It wasn’t my favorite movie, that much is for sure.