Rating:

Man, is this cartoon fucking weird.

It’s basically this kind of… elaborate presentation of a “full story” of Santa Claus, unmistakably aimed at providing an alternative to the better known story The Life and Adventures of Jesus Christ, which is often mistakenly referred to as “The New Testament.”

And hey, I’m all for providing secular alternatives to religious dogma. I’m just not sure that a little boy raised in the wilderness by a Lioness Queen named Shiegra and supported by a bureaucratic council of “Immortals” cuts the mustard. I’m not even sure it cuts the cheese.

Still, for whatever reason, this Rankin/Bass special is one that has stood out in my mind more than most, ever since my childhood–just as much as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer did because it was awesome, and just like the The Lord of the Rings trilogy did because the part where Gollum bites Frodo’s finger off at Mount Doom gave me nightmares until I was fifteen. No, seriously. That part of that little animated series had such an effect on me that I was actually disappointed by the recreation of the climactic scene in Peter Jackson’s recent trilogy, all because it didn’t make me shit my pants on the spot, as the cartoon always did.

But, I digress. I actually know exactly why this “Animagic” creation stands out in my mind. It’s because watching it is the cinematic equivalent of taking LSD. The sparkly, naked wood fairies and weirdo-lighting schemes pretty much makes you wonder how such a thing was ever created by the most prolific production team in history.

Until about five years ago, I hadn’t seen it since my age was in the single digits, mainly because Christian groups protested it as being “Satanic” (which is Christian for “this sucks, and no Jesus, either!”). And when I finally caught it again in high school, I was sure that it had been made in 1968, which would explain everything.

Then I looked up the date.

1985! How could such a disturbing-looking film have come about in the always tasteful 1980’s? Okay, stupid question, but still, you can’t watch it and not think of all the crappy “Acid Trip Cinema” from the sixties and early seventies.

Oh yeah, the plot. It’s based on a book by L. Frank Baum, famous for The Wizard of Oz. It goes like this:

Santa was a mortal child abandoned naked in the woods as a “newborn babe” (Eh, eh? Christian allegory anyone?), and was discovered by some magic freaks and taken to Shiegra the Lioness. He grew up and knew only peace and joy among the Immortal lands, along with some weirdsmobile pink and blue lights everywhere. One day, some asshole showed him the mortal world of we humans, who lived life the way it should be lived: full of strife and misery.

Santa didn’t like this, so he set about trying to bring the joy he had known as a young one to all the children in the world. He soon discovered that it was toys which made kids happy, not cures for diseases, so he did that for some years. Then he might die because he’s mortal, so the council of Immortals is called forth to discuss whether or not he should be given the gift of immortal life.

Now there’s the 1980’s charm we all know and love. Only in Ronald Reagan’s 80’s would a committee need to be convened to determine whether a man who gives toys away should be allowed to live.

Anyway, it’s weird looking. The film we see is the retelling of his life to the committee so they can judge his worth, and if I saw this movie, I’d be pretty unconvinced. Some say it’s the most “original” of all the Rankin/Bass specials, but I say Rudolph, which contains an elf who wants to be a dentist, an island of misfit toys, a jovial peppermint prospector, and an Abominable Snowman with a toothache, is pretty damn original to me.

It may, however, be the “darkest” of all the specials. There’s plenty of subversive notions about the world and the life of Santa, and as I said it’s clearly aimed at standing beside the story of Jesus in Christmas fare, but as an allegory, a Star Wars or The Matrix, it’s not, and it never really caught on.

Which is probably a good thing. Still, nostalgia is just about the best part of the whole Rankin/Bass canon, and this film can supply it for you, as it does me, just fine.

If You Hated This, You Will Also Totally Hate:

• Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town
• Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
• The Year Without a Santa Claus
• The Little Drummer Boy
• The Santa Clause 2