Stephen King is my favorite author and I’ve no qualms about saying it. Sure, there are those who will say, “Oh, poo poo, such popular pulp, that nonsense shouldn’t be your favorite.” Fuck that noise. Stephen King tells a heck of a story.

To be fair, I haven’t loved all of his books. It would be pointless fanboy gushing to say that I did, so I’ll admit that I could do without Cujo and Gerald’s Game and a couple of others. But even when I haven’t loved one of King’s books, I’ve at least found it interesting, and I’ve found all of them to be worth reading at least once.

Movies based on his stuff are another matter entirely. They range from the superb and brilliant to the embarrassingly dreadful (for example, Children of the Corn, which was so awful that it spawned six sequels and is, of course, being remade), with most of the movies falling somewhere in between in the land of the mediocre. Let’s take a look at some of the films that rise above the pack.

#10: The Shawshank Redemption

We’ve all seen The Shawshank Redemption thirty million times thanks to that period of about five years in the 90s when TNT ran the movie every single day. Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins are in prison, Tim Robbins was wrongly convicted, he dreams of escaping and becoming an obvious, hamfisted metaphor for the human spirit, etc.

It’s a good movie, certainly, thanks largely to the performances not just from the two leads but the supporting cast as well. But I’m going to come out and say that it’s not quite so good as everybody thinks it is. That’s right, I said it. It’s overlong and it whacks you over the head so hard with its messages and symbolism that your skull caves in.

If the movie were really only that long, it would have been way higher on the list.

 #9: Creepshow

Creepshow is an anthology picture, telling five stories in the style of the E.C. horror comics of old. Not all the pieces are of equal quality—one segment, “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill,” only features one character, played by King himself, a man of limited acting range—but taken together they average out to be an enjoyable watch. It’s also directed by George A. Romero (who also directed the much less good King adaptation The Dark Half) and features a hell of a cast, including Ed Harris, Hal Holbrook, Adrienne Barbeau, Leslie Nielsen, E.G. Marshall and Ted Danson.

#8: The Mist

Frankly, nobody was more surprised than I when The Mist, adapted from a novella-length story in the collection Skeleton Crew, turned out to be so awesome. The story had never been among my favorites, though in the interest of full disclosure I should tell you that virtually every other Stephen King fan with whom I share that tells me I am an idiot. It’s a story of an increasingly panicky group of people trapped in a grocery store and menaced by some distinctly Lovecraftian monsters, which may explain why I didn’t love the story; though this may cost me my credibility as a horror fan, I confess that I have never enjoyed H.P. Lovecraft no matter how hard I’ve tried.

In director Frank Darabont’s hands, the movie not only overcame my reservations but totally annihilated them. It’s a thrilling picture with many moments that are genuinely scary, and is so engaging that it never feels as long as it is (125 minutes). The zombie movie style combination of monsters outside and increasing paranoia and dissent among the people inside makes for one compelling watch.

And just because you’ve read the story, don’t think you know what’s gonna happen.

#7: The Dead Zone

That’s right, long before there was some TV show I couldn’t be bothered to watch, there was actually a movie. Johnny Smith wakes from a coma with the ability to see into the future and a feeling that he’d better use his knowledge to make sure upcoming events go down in a positive way. Part of that means trying to prevent a crazy dickhole from becoming President, and you just know that in a movie like this he’s not going to stop him through grassroots political activism.

Allow me to drop some names on you. Director: David Cronenberg (Scanners, Videodrome, The Fly). Writer: Jeffery Boam (Lethal Weapon 2 and 3, The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr., Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade). Cast members: Christopher Walken, Tom Skerritt, Martin Sheen. Oh yeah.

#6: The Green Mile

Hmm, a Frank Darabont prison movie, based on a Stephen King story, about a dude who’s been wrongly convicted of a brutal murder. Sounds like this is basically just The Shawshank Redemption again.

And, well, it kind of is. It has a much different plot, and features elements of the supernatural where Shawshank did not, but it suffers from many of the same problems as that earlier film.  Once again it’s metaphors are obvious and hamfisted, once again it’s overlong and it whacks you over the head so hard with its messages and symbolism that your skull caves in. Fortunately, it also has an unimpeachable cast and—perhaps for no better reason than merely my own personal preference—it just plays better.

#5: Stand By Me

Based on King’s novella The Body (found in the Different Seasons collection), Stand By Me is the story of four kids going out to look at a dead dude. But of course that’s just the plot and, as is so often the case when a group of kids get together in a movie to have an adventure, this is really a coming-of-age story, worthy of standing shoulder to shoulder with the best of them. Also, it has a part where a leech gets on a dude’s nutsack, so you’ll want to be sure to tune in for that.

Although the cast is made up of people you’d rather not watch in a movie—you know, people like Corey Feldman, River Phoenix and Wil Wheaton—as the film unfolds you’re drawn into their lives so completely that you start to forget that you hate them (Corey Feldman) or you hate other roles they’ve played (Wil Wheaton) and just believe in these characters. Which I guess means they’re actually very good actors; I only wish they’d brought this level of skill to the table more often.

#4: The Stand

This is the best of all the TV miniseries adaptations of Stephen King books, and it beats the rest by a country mile. It’s got a huge cast and they’re all great, including the stupid guy from Coach, the dad from ALF, the chick from Just Shoot Me, Uncle Martin from My Favorite Martian, Max Headroom from Max Headroom, and Rob Lowe from that sex tape. Plus, you know, Gary Sinise and Molly Ringwald and Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis and Miguel Ferrer and goddamn that’s great.

Shall we run down the plot? Okay: A PLAGUE kills practically everybody, including KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR. The people left alive are either REGULAR DUDES AND DUDETTES or TOTALLY EVIL. They DREAM accordingly, either of a NICE LADY or a TOTALLY EVIL DUDE. They gather together in two camps and schedule an APOCALYPTIC SHOWDOWN. Plus, at least two characters make passing reference to their DISORDERS OF THE BOWEL.

If you don’t have the time to devote to the four-part miniseries, here’s a video that tells you everything that happens in under three minutes:

#3: Carrie

I’ve reviewed Carrie before, you can find out all there is to know by reading that. Here’s an interesting fact about the movie, though: When they show it on TV, they bleep out the word “shit”, but they show unblurred the graffiti on the wall that reads “Carrie White Eats Shit.” Is written shit less of a problem with the douchebags at the FCC than verbal shit? Another interesting fact is that this is probably Brian De Palma’s best movie, with the other top contender being The Untouchables. I only bring this up because I feel it is my duty to point out, at every opportunity, that people who love Scarface so much are stupid.

Here’s a trailer that pretty much spoils the climax of the movie for you:

#2: Misery

Hey, I’ve reviewed Misery before, too! This is getting easy! A brief recap would be: This is a near-perfect movie from director Rob Reiner, wherein Kathy Bates plays a crazy lady who keeps her favorite author, played by James Caan, prisoner in her house. It’s creepy as hell and even has a scene that makes a hardened horror movie veteran like me turn away from the screen. Bates and Caan carry basically the entire movie by themselves, and neither of them misses a trick. Just awesome.

#1: The Shining

Yes, I know, Stephen King was never happy with Stanley Kubrick’s adaptation of his novel, he felt it didn’t deal with the themes that were important to the book. Well, that’s as may be, but this movie still rocks the house down.

Story: A family is snowed in at a spooky haunted hotel, the son is psychic, the mother has horrible teeth, and the father is going more and more crazy with each passing day. The father in question is none other than Jack Nicholson. He’s a man well known for being batshit crazy, and in this movie he’s even crazier than that. Even before he goes crazy you wouldn’t be surprised if he leaned over and whispered in your ear “I shot three archbishops with a nail gun today.” And it’s that kind of insanity that makes a movie pretty grand.

If You Hated This, You Will Also Totally Hate:

• Creepshow
• 1408: I Should Be a Head of Development
• Carrie
• The Tooth Fairy
• Fuck You, Orson Welles