Rating:
A Claymation Christmas Celebration is a 1987 TV special from the sometimes awesome, sometimes awful Will Vinton. Fortunately for all you holiday celebrants, this musical program falls on the awesome side of the scale.

Our hosts are Herb and Rex, a wackily mismatched pair of dinosaurs (don’t your Christmas traditions involve dinosaurs?). These two thunder lizards will be our guides on a voyage of yuletide magic.

Or, more accurately, they’ll throw a few facts our way about the various Christmas carols that are showcased in this musical extravaganza. Either way.

WE THREE KINGS

Our old friends Melchior, Caspar and Balthasar sing their signature tune, and they sing it with all the seriousness and gravitas Christian types like to imagine their holy days deserve. Fortunately, there are some camels taking the choruses, and they sing like a swingin’ 1950s vocal group.

I think we all agree that anything with singing camels is awesome.

CAROL OF THE BELLS

Nobody knows more about bells than deformed weirdos, and so “Carol of the Bells” is an instrumental number conducted by none other than everyone’s favorite hunchback, Quasimodo (not to be confused with everyone’s favorite hatchback, the Toyota Starlet). The instruments being played—playing themselves, actually—are anthropomorphic bells. Creepy looking, anthropomorphic bells.

One of the bells is tell-me-about-the-rabbits level stupid and keeps whiffing it when it comes time for him to sound out his lusty tone, much to ol’ Hunch’s mounting frustration. But perhaps he wouldn’t be so stupid if he weren’t being called upon to repeatedly beat himself about the head for the amusement of cruel Parisians; did you ever think about that, Quozzy?

O CHRISTMAS TREE

An unseen children’s choir sings “O Christmas Tree” as we’re treated to a series of visuals depicting the life and times of the teeny-weeny monsters that live inside Christmas ornaments.

Sleep tight, little Billy and little Susie! Santa won’t come if you’re awake! And the assorted terrifying homunculi living on our Christmas tree won’t be able to escape and devour you if you don’t shut your peepers right now!

ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH

Ladies and gentlemen: if you, like so many people, live with the constant dread that you’ll never be able to see walruses ice dancing, you can put those fears safely to bed.

They’re big, blubbery walruses and they’re skating around! The boy walrus is wearing a little hat and bow tie! This, in two minutes, is the very essence of everything entertainment is about.

A bow tie!

JOY TO THE WORLD

If you wanted something that combines Christmas, the abstract ethos of the “Toccata and Fugue” segment of Fantasia, and David Bowman going into the Stargate, here you go.

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER

OHMANOHMANOHMAN!! Seriously, you guys have no idea!

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is here sung by the California Raisins [hold for applause].

Did you guys hear me? I said the California Em Effin Raisins!

When I was just the wee-est of bairns, I was absolutely gagakookoo nuts for the California Raisins. I had California Raisins toys and wore my California Raisins shirt virtually every day (until the day came along that I got my Ghostbusters II shirts). They might have been the first ridiculous pop culture thing I was crazy about, and my zeal for the wrinkly little guys hasn’t abated a scintilla in the ensuing years.

Why do I love the California Raisins so much? Dude! THEY ARE RAISINS AND THEY SING, DUH!

And then the whole cast comes out to sing Here We Come A-Wassailing (throughout the show, Herb and Rex have been trying to deduce just what in the hell “a-wassaliing” actually is). And then, after that, I rewind it and watch the segment with the California Raisins 136 consecutive times.

I know I’ve mostly poked fun at this little show, but it’s definitely something special. Vinton’s Claymation characters sometimes delight and sometimes frighten; fortunately they mostly delight in this particular television special. I don’t know if this gets aired on TV at all, but it’s available on home video and you can find it on the YouTubes, so be sure to give it a watch. It’s well worth your time.

If You Hated This, You Will Also Totally Hate:

• Make This Christmas Rock
• A Charlie Brown Christmas
• Raiders of the Lost Ark
• Godfather Help
• Nog is Not Just a Ferengi