I can't imagine a movie I'm less interested in seeing than Saw VI. I confess that I've not seen all the Saw movies extant, but when it comes to those I have seen, I was bored right off my nuts. You know I loves me some horror pictures, and I loves me some violence and gore, but the Saw pictures with their utterly preposterous plot contrivances leave me totally unimpressed. I remember when the first movie in the series was new, people were telling me to see it. Some said the story was good, which was manifestly false. Others said I'd like it because it was just oh so gory, which was also a lie. On the plus side, it did have Danny Glover. Getting too HANDSOME for this shit, maybe So, even though it does feature Danny "Angels in the Outfield" Glover, I just didn't give a shit about Saw or its myriad sequels. But if anything could ever make me want to see Saw VI, which comes to a theater near you this very day, it would be the opening moments of this video, an interview with Marcus Dunstan, cowriter of Saw IV, V and VI. Check it out: I know I'm snobby a ...

Did all you guys know that they've made another godsbedamned Alvin and the Chipmunks movie? I just found out, and I wish I were making it up. Oh, how I wish. Get a load of this trailer. The most horrifying video since Faces of Death.First of all: Squeakquel? Come on! Not only should that title have been the first thing to go and whoever suggested it banned from Hollywood forever, but I'm sure we can all agree that squeaquel should be spelled without that k. It's just cluttering up the place!Secondly: Who the fuck asked for this? Was it you? I know it wasn't me. Is there a single person on the entire planet who liked Alvin and the Chipmunks at all, much less enough to long for a second picture? I have very little faith in humanity, but I can't believe that anyone is that stupid. If they had to make a sequel, they at least should have thrown out all the terrible mistakes they made the first time around, starting with the size of the chipmunks themselves. They worked in cartoon form because they were basically children. But when something that is actually the size of a rodent goes around kissing ...

I've long been a fan of Pinky and the Brain, whether on Animaniacs or on their own show. And I've long been a fan of Orson Welles (despite the way I feel about him around my birthday), whether he's making movies or being hilariously uncooperative. So what I don't understand is why I never knew that this Pinky and the Brain cartoon existed. Is that not incredible? And while we're on the subject of "people pretending to be Orson Welles at times when he was famously difficult," enjoy this awesome video, too. Haha! It's funny because his career became a joke!

Remember when Ozzy Osbourne made bad-ass music? Remember when he was scarily insane, as likely to remove the heads of you and your pets as to look at you, all while pissing on something you love? Remember when he was music's undisputed prince of darkness? You know, before he became a quaintly doddering coot, a vaguely avuncular embarrassment to everyone who ever rocked out to "N.I.B." Now he's in this commercial for some kind of cell phone or electronic day planner or tricorder or whatever the hell. The commercial—which I'm about to show you, admittedly playing right into Samsung's hands—plays on this new, amusingly non-threatening persona in a big way, making me hold my head in my hands and weep as I put Blizzard of Ozz on the turntable. It's so sad to see this happen to a dude who once rocked so very, very hard.How best to describe exactly what Ozzy's become? I think it's best summed up thus:

You think you know bad trailers? Guys, have I got a bad trailer for you. I can't imagine a worse trailer than this one for The Godfather. Watching this, you'd never guess it was advertising a movie many people consider to be the greatest ever made, or even a movie anyone would ever want to see. It's perhaps the most tedious three and a half minutes ever put on public display. Think about a trailer you've seen that got you so pumped up about a movie you almost dumped in your didies. We've all seen trailers like that. Has any of those trailers ever been an endless parade of still photos of things like license plates? I'd be willing to bet that the answer is no. And then there's the little matter of the trailer tipping its hand. By which, of course, I mean that it explicitly spells out everything that happens in the entire freaking movie, and I do mean everything. Three hours of masterful cinematic art rendered wholly pointless by three minutes of crap. Prepare to have your faith in The Godfather shaken to its very foundations.

In 1994 came a movie called Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, and it's combination of jokes about buttholes and chicks with dicks propelled lead actor Jim Carrey into superstardom. Because Hollywood is never one to leave terrible enough alone, the next year came Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, which upped the ante by including jokes about bat feces and the buttholes of rhinoceroses. Then this year, long after everyone thought they would never have to think about Ace Ventura again, came Ace Ventura Jr: Pet Detective. Yes, this really exists, apparently. Now, I was all set to review it for you, because I knew from previous research (yes I have done Ace Ventura related research do you want to fight about it) that the whole movie was available on YouTube. Imagine then my surprise when I went to the site today to watch the movie and found that it had been taken off YouTube! Awww, dang! Looks like I won't be able to sit here for ninety minutes wishing that I was dead. I don't know why this movie exists. The original Ace Ventura movies were despicable; why anyone thought we needed another sequel fifteen years later is beyond me. Watch the trailer ...

There's nothing people love more than having arguments about what's the greatest movie of all time. A lot of people will say Citizen Kane or Casablanca or The Godfather. Some people might throw a foreign movie at you, maybe Tokyo Story or The 400 Blows. Some really stupid people will even say The Shawshank Redemption. But I'm here to tell you that all those people are as wrong as they could possibly be. I'm completely confident that I'm about to tell you about the best movie ever made, and I've never even seen the thing. Based solely on this trailer, I'm prepared to declare this the greatest cinematic achievement possible. The flick unleashes its direct-to-home-video magic later this month, so ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. And yes, that was totally Debbie Gibson. Only in My Dreams did I imagine a movie about a shark and an octopus fighting would have Debbie Gibson in it; it seems to have come Out of the Blue! I would like to continue with jokes about "Lost in Your Eyes" and, of course, "Foolish Beat," but I just can't crack those nuts. But the point is, undersea monsters menacing Debbie Gibson!

Lord, I wish the Batman TV series would come to DVD.

The G.I. Joe cartoon we watched growing up wasn't exactly high art, I know. In fact, you could make the claim that it was terrible, and I wouldn't necessarily disagree. But judging from this trailer, this August's feature film G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is going to set all new standards for terribleness. I can't imagine a more awful movie coming out this year. I may not be able to imagine a more awful movie ever coming out. Just look at this bullshit:

I hate stoner movies. I know what their appeal is, and I don't hate potheads or preach about drug use -- I just hate their movies. I think movies like Half Baked are boring, and use "carefree wackiness" as an excuse for making a substandard, endlessly irritating movie. Enter Seth Rogen, who is rapidly becoming my favorite guy in Hollywood. He's the dude who knocked up Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up, and played an immature cop in Superbad. His next project, which he wrote and stars in, is about potheads who get mixed up in the seedy world of professional murder. It's called Pineapple Express, and it has the single greatest trailer I've seen for a movie in maybe a decade. As usual, it's all about the music, so watch out for the second half, when M.I.A's "Paper Planes" starts to play over slow motion clips from the movie. It's so incredibly effective as background music, you actually experience that "falling in love" feeling in your chest, which is usually reserved for girls who play tennis. (Yes, I know Judd Apatow produced it. But if you listened to our latest Podcast, you'd know that Seth Rogen ...