Where Cinema Gets Incinerated

Blogs

Voyage of Discovery

Aug 10th, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

Join our hero as he learns that, oops, he has been enjoying Nazis for years without realizing it.

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Godfather Help

Jul 6th, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

Listen up, smarty pantses. I am in serious need of some help figuring something out in The Godfather, and I figure maybe you guys can help me. I’ve only seen the movie about a million times, and apparently that isn’t enough. So come on, what’s up?

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Breakfast of Champions

Jun 19th, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

Even as I type these words, I’m eating Kellogg’s Limited Edition Indiana Jones Chocolate Cereal with Marshmallows. Can you believe it? You’d better believe it.

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My Beef with Roger Ebert

Jun 14th, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

After Mark and me, the only movie reviewer I think isn’t chock full of shit is Roger Ebert. Sure, there are times when I disagree with his positions, but I think he’s usually right about things. And most importantly, when I don’t think he’s right, I can at least see his reasoning. But I have to take issue with something I’ve just read.

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Indiana Jones Merchandise: Available Forever

May 21st, 2008 | By Mark Casey | Category: Blogs

Just a quick note to point out the fact that MSNBC.com has a kind of okay article posted about all the merchandising and delicious snack foods associated with the new Indiana Jones movie…

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An Indiana Jones Limerick

May 19th, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

Poor Indy, his luck’s just the worst.
When the Well of Souls opened, he cursed.
There were audible gasps
And then Sallah said “Asps!
“Very dangerous! You should go first!”

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Fantastic Four: Not So Fantastic?

May 14th, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

What with a new comic book movie being released every thirteen minutes or so, I got to thinking about the members of the superhero team known as the Fantastic Four. The name pretty much comes right out and promises greatness, doesn’t it? But the product doesn’t deliver. They aren’t so much fantastic as they are useless turds. Consider:

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No Supes for You

May 2nd, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

I apologize for the terrible pun in that title, but I’m too enraged to come up with something good. Dig it: My inability to watch anything with Superman in it continues unabated.

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Advice for Wes Craven

Apr 23rd, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

The Hills Have Eyes Part II is a terrible 1985 film where nothing happens and everybody has flashbacks all the time, including a dog. The Hills Have Eyes 2 is an equally terrible sequel to the 2006 remake of The Hills Have Eyes (but, it’s important to note, is not itself a remake of The Hills Have Eyes Part II). The point is, both movies are awful.

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Leave Jersey Girl Alone!

Mar 30th, 2008 | By Eric Jensen | Category: Blogs

Why’s everybody always shitting on Kevin Smith’s Jersey Girl? I’m here to say that it’s every bit as good as his Askewniverse movies.

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