I’ve got an absolutely great idea for a new game show. This is my idea, so don’t steal it. The show would be called You Bet Your Balls.

It would be a standard trivia question type of game show, but with a little twist: the contestant puts his very testicles on the line.

Round one would consist of a set number of questions. Each question answered correctly is worth some cash. For each incorrect answer, the contestant has his nuts squeezed in a Christmas style nutcracker.

The second round is a little different: the contestant must correctly answer ten questions to move on to the next round. In the allotted time, the host will ask as many questions as necessary. But it isn’t just a ticking clock you have to worry about, no sir. At the start of the round, the contestant’s balls are placed in the mouth of the nutcracking soldier. When the timer starts, the nutcracker begins gradually squeezing tighter and tighter until:
A. The contestant gives ten correct answers
B. The contestant’s gonads explode
You’ve got to keep your wits about you in this fast paced round!

The third and final round is similar to the first in that each incorrect response yields a crunch from the nutcracker. The third-round twist is that the contestant must also answer the questions while holding a lit Roman candle in his ass; if the firework falls out, you get another nut squeeze, the round instantly ends, and the player forfeits all his winnings up to that point.

You’d watch a show like that, right? I know I would! And believe me, people would play it. Shows like Fear Factor proved that people will do just about anything if the prize is good enough. Heck, people will even compete fiercely when the only prize is the chance to be Bret Michaels’ girlfriend, which I’d say is more like a penalty than a reward.

So check your local listings for You Bet Your Balls.

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