See, I love just about everything about Christmas. I love Santa Claus and blinking lights and that Honey Nut Cheerios commercial with Ebenezer Scrooge. I love claymation and Santa’s Little Helper and Mr. Hankey and everything. Everything about Christmas, I love it.

Eveything, that is, except egg nog. (DRAMATIC MUSIC STING)

Each and every year I get some egg nog and think to myself “This year, I’ll love it. My tastes have matured; after all, I now like all the segments on Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, not just the puppets.” So I buy it, I pour it, and I just don’t like it. I want to like it. It’s such an essential part of Christmas celebrations that I feel like a total grinchy humbug for not liking it. But whatever I do, whatever frame of mind I put myself in, it always just tastes like melted ice cream with a fried egg on top.

But this year was different. (ANOTHER DRAMATIC MUSIC STING)

At the grocery store, I stood before the egg nog, debating whether I’d go through the same ordeal again. I almost decided it was time to just wash my hands of the whole affair and admit that egg nog would never be for me. I was about to climb up onto the roof and shout to all who would listen: “Okay, so I just don’t like egg nog! Is that so wrong? Who are you to judge me?” But in the very depths of my despair, I noticed a little carton labeled Limited Edition Cinnamon Egg Nog. I’m a sucker for limited editions, so in the cart it went.

And hey, I like it! I pretty much like it because it doesn’t taste anything at all like egg nog—what it actually tastes like is the milk in the bottom of the bowl after you eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch. But that’s undeniably delicious, and the label does say egg nog. So I’m counting this as a victory. I’m now officially a complete Christmas lover. There’s nothing about it I don’t want to marry.

Move over, Santa! There’s a new fat guy who only works one day a year in town!

If You Hated This, You Will Also Totally Hate:

• This One Time I Drank Weird Soda
• The Year Without a Santa Claus
• The Santa Clause 2
• Give The Simpsons Its Due
• Christmas in the Big Woods