Julie Andrews: Probably Crazy?
Categories: Blogs
Written By: Eric Jensen
Look, I’m aware that Robert Wise’s film version of The Sound of Music is beloved by everyone everywhere. I’m not saying it’s not a great movie. It is.
What I am saying is, judging by the lyrics of “My Favorite Things,” Maria is totally lame even for a nun. Let’s consider:
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
All right, I get it. These aren’t exactly my personal favorite things, but I can see how a more cutesy-poo inclined person would really dig it. I’m not holding these against anybody.
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Seriously?
The song’s barely begun and already you’ve taken a disturbing turn into left field. I can see how warm woolen mittens would give you a fuzzy, comfortable feeling. But a copper kettle? You don’t just like copper kettles, but consider them among your favorite things?
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
All right, this I understand. Some of my favorite things come delivered in plain brown wrappers, too.
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
All right, I’ll accept it. It’s pretty obvious by this point that Julie Andrews is a girl, but we can’t hold that against her. Ponies and dessert are nice, I guess.
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Maria, this is where you get off. Doorbells? Out of all the things in the entire world—things like water slides, Almond Joys, Ingrid Bergman, Batman—you pick doorbells as one of your favorite things? That’s like throwing a party where the guest of honor is dryer lint.
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Whatever the hell that even means. Is the moon, like, crashing into these geese? Like in that Zelda game? Because I admit that would be awesome. But I suspect she’s just talking about moonlight shining on a flock of honking, ill-tempered poop machines. Oh boy, my favorite!
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into spring
These are a few of my favorite things
Snowflakes that stay on your nose and eyelashes, eh? Here’s a song lyric for you: How do you solve a problem like hypothermia?
When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad
So. When Cujo comes chasing you over hill and dale, making you run so fast you worry that your heart’s going to explode before he finally chomps his foaming jaws down on your forearm, likely infecting you with rabies, you think about doorbells and copper kettles and all your troubles go away?
Man, this lady knows how to party.
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