Fuck You, Orson Welles
Categories: Blogs
Written By: Eric Jensen
Hey, cats, see if you can guess what!
That’s right, my birthday is this weekend. And if there’s one thing I like to do on my birthday, it’s drink Pabst Blue Ribbon until I can no longer stand or maintain bowel control.
The Breakfast of Champions
But now that my birthday’s coming, I just don’t want to think about him at all. Why? Well, by the time Orson Welles was my age, he’d already done the War of the Worlds broadcast and was at work on Citizen Kane. That’s right, at my age, this dude had already created the Greatest Of All Time in not one but two different media.
I, on the other hand, have a dumb website that doesn’t even have paying advertisers and that people only come to looking for information on “best Star Trek episodes” and “Last House on the Left true story” and “watch Raiders of the Lost Ark online” which, I might point out, is a service this website does not even offer. I have never done anything that anyone has cared about; Orson Welles had already rocked the motherfucking world two times. So I’ll try not to focus on that on my birthday, when I’m sitting in my underpants guzzling beer and watching season seven of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
But the news isn’t all bad, I guess. In some ways, I actually am like Orson Welles. By which I mean I’m bearded, morbidly obese, smoke all the time and can barely walk. So really, the only thing about Orson Welles that I skipped over was being a handsome genius with an awesome voice before morphing into Jabba the Hutt.
Happy birthday to me! Think I’ll kill myself!
If You Hated This, You Will Also Totally Hate:
- Pinky and the Brain: Still Awesome
- Abrams’ Star Trek Proves Lens Flares are The Key to Time Travel
- The State of Star Trek
- Leave Jersey Girl Alone!
- Plot Holes in Star Trek and, Why Not, Jurassic Park
May 31st, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say wonderful blog!
June 29th, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Nearly all of whatever you point out happens to be astonishingly appropriate and it makes me ponder why I had not looked at this in this light before. This particular article really did switch the light on for me as far as this subject matter goes. However there is 1 position I am not necessarily too cozy with so whilst I attempt to reconcile that with the central idea of your position, allow me observe exactly what the rest of the readers have to say.Nicely done.
June 29th, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Virtually all of the things you state happens to be supprisingly legitimate and that makes me wonder why I had not looked at this in this light before. This piece really did switch the light on for me as far as this specific subject goes. But there is actually one particular position I am not too comfortable with and whilst I attempt to reconcile that with the actual core idea of your issue, allow me observe exactly what the rest of your readers have to point out.Very well done.
June 29th, 2011 at 7:27 pm
The heart of your writing whilst sounding reasonable originally, did not really sit properly with me after some time. Somewhere throughout the paragraphs you actually were able to make me a believer unfortunately just for a short while. I still have a problem with your leaps in logic and one would do well to help fill in all those gaps. If you actually can accomplish that, I will certainly end up being impressed.