In honor of the release of Star Trek, the newest film version of my all-time favorite show, I thought I should celebrate by doing the easiest thing possible: making a top ten list of my favorite episodes of the original series. Keep in mind that this is a list of personal favorites. If I were trying to do some kind of “Ten Best” list, it would probably be a little different. But for sheer enjoyment, here’s the list, starting with…

# 10: I, Mudd

Man, “I, Mudd” is great. It’s the return of Harry Mudd, from the earlier episode “Mudd’s Women.” But where in that episode he had been sort of almost a villain, here he’s merely a nuisance. A buffoonish, hilarious nuisance surrounded by robots. Yes, in this episode, as in real life, robots are the real enemy. Kirk, his crew, and Harry Mudd are all held captive by skillions of robots, and as I’m sure you know there is only one truly effective way to deal with rogue robots (roguebots?): freak them out until their heads explode. So thanks to that we get to see McCoy and Scotty playing invisible instruments and Chekov dancing around like a lunatic and everyone saying absurd things to truly puzzled automata. Pretty sweet.

#9: The Menagerie

The only Star Trek two-parter came about when they got so behind schedule they had to dust off the original, rejected pilot for the series and write a wraparound for it. That way, even though the original pilot was pretty different (the only character held over into the main series is Spock), they could get two episodes out of one episode’s worth of new stuff, and take the extra time to get caught up.

Thank god they fell behind, because what resulted turned out to be great. Mr. Spock actually mutinies and steals the freaking Enterprise in order to take his invalid former captain, Captain Pike, to a planet so totally forbidden that the penalty for trying to go there is death. That’s pretty awesome as it is, but when Spock is brought before a court martial and asked to explain himself, that allows them to show the footage of the original pilot, when a younger, less totally crippled Captain Pike had an experience on that forbidden world. There he encountered aliens that have heads that look like butts. But, more importantly, they have the power to make you experience any illusion they want, whether they want you to be burning in hell or watching a green stripper. Hawt.

 #8: Balance of Terror

A submarine movie in outer space that just might teach you something about the pointlessness of racism? Yes, please!

#7: Wolf in the Fold

I love this episode for lots of reasons. It has exotic dancers. It has Scotty being accused of a series of grisly murders. It has the evil spirit of Jack the Ripper. It has John Fiedler, who you probably know best as the voice of Piglet in Disney’s Winnie the Pooh cartoons. Yeah, it has it all.

#6: Space Seed

Khaaaaaaaaan!!!!

#5: Patterns of Force

If you’ve ever felt a little bummed by the fact that you rarely see valiant astronauts battling against Nazis then, brother, is this ever the episode for you.

#4: The Trouble With Tribbles

Come on, even people who’ve never watched television have seen this episode.

#3: Mirror, Mirror

“Mirror, Mirror” is the first episode of Star Trek I ever saw. In it, a transporter accident sends Kirk, McCoy, Scotty and Uhura into a parallel (or, if you will, mirror) universe, where the United Federation of Planets has been replaced with an empire bent on conquest, Enterprise crew members are tortured, everyone is constantly assassinating people, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people, the works. And, of course, Spock has a beard. For some reason, the image of Spock with a beard has become one of the best-known moments in all of Star Trek. You also get to see Uhura rockin’ a bare midriff, so right on.

#2: Amok Time

In the clip above, you’ll get to enjoy the achingly awesome Star Trek fight music, which was used for the first time in “Amok Time.” It’s an episode about Spock getting so horny that he goes all sex-nuts and retard-strong and will fight anyone that gets in the way of his quest for pointy-eared booty. You heard me.

#1: The City on the Edge of Forever

McCoy goes nuts, Kirk and Spock chase him through time, Spock talks about “stone knives and bear skins,” Kirk falls in love, tough choices have to be made. I guess when you say it like that, it sounds kinda stupid, but trust me. “The City on the Edge of Forever” is one of the greatest hours not just in the original series, not just in all the  Star Trek universe, but in all of television, period.

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