It just wouldn't be Halloween without watching some Simpsons Halloween specials. Granted, I haven't watched a new one in quite a few years (has anyone?), but the classic era episodes are essential Halloween watching. Here, then, are the ten best segments from the annual Halloween episodes of The Simpsons. #10: Starship Poopers Treehouse of Horror IX October 25, 1998 When Maggie loses her baby legs and sprouts a crop of writhing tentacles, it's revealed that Homer isn't her father at all. The secret truth is that Marge had been abducted and inseminated by Kang, a drooling space octopus. Kang, as the rightful babydaddy, wants to take his daughter home; Homer wants none of it. Naturally, they go on The Jerry Springer Show to settle the dispute, which leads to the following exchange: Marge: I can't believe it. Jerry Springer didn't solve our conflict. Lisa: And now he's dead. Hilarious. #9: Dial "Z" for Zombies Treehouse of Horror III October 29, 1992 Bart and Lisa, as have so many children before them, inadvertently raise the dead and unleash a horde of brain-starved zombies on Springfield. Once the undead masses threaten to overtake the town, it's up to the kids to cast the spell that will send them back to their graves--but not before ...

I can't imagine a movie I'm less interested in seeing than Saw VI. I confess that I've not seen all the Saw movies extant, but when it comes to those I have seen, I was bored right off my nuts. You know I loves me some horror pictures, and I loves me some violence and gore, but the Saw pictures with their utterly preposterous plot contrivances leave me totally unimpressed. I remember when the first movie in the series was new, people were telling me to see it. Some said the story was good, which was manifestly false. Others said I'd like it because it was just oh so gory, which was also a lie. On the plus side, it did have Danny Glover. Getting too HANDSOME for this shit, maybe So, even though it does feature Danny "Angels in the Outfield" Glover, I just didn't give a shit about Saw or its myriad sequels. But if anything could ever make me want to see Saw VI, which comes to a theater near you this very day, it would be the opening moments of this video, an interview with Marcus Dunstan, cowriter of Saw IV, V and VI. Check it out: I know I'm snobby a ...

Did all you guys know that they've made another godsbedamned Alvin and the Chipmunks movie? I just found out, and I wish I were making it up. Oh, how I wish. Get a load of this trailer. The most horrifying video since Faces of Death.First of all: Squeakquel? Come on! Not only should that title have been the first thing to go and whoever suggested it banned from Hollywood forever, but I'm sure we can all agree that squeaquel should be spelled without that k. It's just cluttering up the place!Secondly: Who the fuck asked for this? Was it you? I know it wasn't me. Is there a single person on the entire planet who liked Alvin and the Chipmunks at all, much less enough to long for a second picture? I have very little faith in humanity, but I can't believe that anyone is that stupid. If they had to make a sequel, they at least should have thrown out all the terrible mistakes they made the first time around, starting with the size of the chipmunks themselves. They worked in cartoon form because they were basically children. But when something that is actually the size of a rodent goes around kissing ...

I have a long history with Superman on this website. Well, really, it's more like a three-post history. Twice I wrote about how every time I try to rent anything about the Man of Steel, the DVD is broken or the player falls apart or my house catches on fire or whatever, leaving me unable to enjoy anything about the character. Of course, I'd seen Superman: The Movie several times in my youth, so it wasn't a truly terrible problem, but it was still frustrating. On another occasion, I reviewed the direct-to-DVD animated feature Superman: Doomsday. I began that review by relating a discussion I'd been having with a friend of mine: "A friend and I had an argument recently. This argument was about whether Superman movies were awesome or terrible. We indulged in a bit of mature back and forth on the subject—”You’re an idiot, Superman rocks!” “No, you’re an idiot!”—but when all was said and done, I came away having learned three very important things: I was right, he was wrong, and Superman is great." Today, I was finally able to rent a working copy of Superman: The Movie, and watch it again for the first time since my innocent youth. ...

[rating: .5] I'm reminded of that classic joke: Q What do you get when you combine half an hour of pretty bad unaired TV pilot with an hour of pretty bad movie? A  A pretty bad 90-minute movie called The Three Stooges in Orbit! The course of the Stooges' career is a sad thing.  They went from making some of the funniest films of all time—not to mention the only two-reelers that people this day and age still remember—to making rambling, unfunny features that even die-hard Stooges fans find hard to love. And, of course, there were the TV cartoons, but really, let's not kick them when they're down. Those shorts with Curly were just genius, weren't they? The sound effects, the relentless joke-after-joke-after-joke pace, and the formidable skills of the stooges as comic performers add up to comedies the likes of which have never again been seen. After Curly's departure came Shemp, and while he was never as funny as his predecessor, I've come to appreciate him more; he never tried to imitate Curly's bits, but instead did his own schtick and did it well. Then were the shorts with Joe Besser, but I all right-thinking people agree that we should just pretend those never ...

[rating: 4] I'm a complex man when it come to movies, I am. On the one hand, I hate people and the terrible movies they like to see. Every person who wants to see Pandorum is a person I want to punch in the face. Who would see G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra when they could watch Bicycle Thieves instead? On the other hand, I totally love Rock-a-Doodle. So you never know what you're gonna get with me. You can't guess in advance whether I'm gonna talk about how great some musty old movie you young kids have never heard of is, or if I'm gonna sing the praises of some movie you know is manifestly terrible, like The Master of Disguise. Either way, you're sure not to care. So in that case, the movie you don't care about today is The Earrings of Madame de...,a 1953 film that, you will no doubt be surprised to learn, is not even in English. I realize I'm fighting an uphill battle, here. It's hard enough to get young people to watch a movie that is both old and in black and white; add in a bunch of French-talkin' foreigners and subtitles the viewer will have ...