We all know that Paul McCartney actually died in a car accident in the mid-sixties and was replaced by a lookalike. Since the Beatles didn't want anyone to know the shocking truth, they craftily embedded clues in the lyrics of every song they recorded, put visual hints on all their album covers, and even set up a hotline you could call to get a secret message. Because that is exactly what people do when they are deliberately trying to keep a huge secret. But we true believers have always known what the Beatles were really covering up and then prompty uncovering but in a totally secret way, I swear. The cute Beatle was dead and in his place was an impostor. The only mystery left was just who the impostor was. Several possibilities have been thrown around over the years, including names like Billy Shears and William Campbell (presumably, not the same one who was in "The Trouble With Tribbles"), but no one has ever known the real truth. Until now.

Remember how, when the first direct-to-DVD Futurama movie Bender's Big Score came out, I was so elated that it took a squad of twenty dudes with tranquilizer guns and stern demeanors to calm me down? Shoooooooot heeeeerrrrr!!! Well, I am literally going into elation-induced cardiac arrest as I write these words, because this news story says Comedy Central is most assuredly, definitely, for real, not a tease this time going to be airing 26 spankin' new episodes of Futurama starting in the middle of next year.Mere words, limited as they are when it comes to describing the soaring heights of human emotional responses, cannot do justice to the joy I feel at learning this news. Here are some facts to help you realize why Futurama is so awesome. Facts About Futurama That Prove it is Awesome Futurama is a better show than The Simpsons, as measured by a percentage of the total number of episodes that are great. Futurama has more references to Star Trek than any show except Star Trek. "We tore the universe a new space-hole, all right, but it's clenching shut fast." GENIUS Watching Futurama will make you lose weight, except in your wang which will grow significantly, plus it will save you gas money. Futurama ...

[rating:3.5] Every so often, a movie comes out that defies expectations and pleasantly baffles movie critics, social grandstanders, and anyone else who tries to pin labels on it or predict how people will react. This summer, The Hangover appears to be our first little surprise of that nature.  Except it’s not a surprise – anyone who saw the trailer or the early marketing knew that The Hangover was going to be a pretty funny movie, and certainly one which set itself apart from the run of the mill summer comedy dreck. Still, the usual complaints are lobbed at it:  too masculine, too sexist, too immature, too oddball, too unpredictable.  And while plenty of you are probably sitting there and thinking “what’s wrong with all of that?” the reality is, the movie dodges all of them and manages to be smart, funny, and even a little heartfelt in parts. And that is why it “surprised” everyone (except me) by having a huge opening and ousting the latest overwrought Pixar juggernaut UP from the number one spot after just one week.  And don’t even get me started on why it destroyed the latest awful-looking, 100% blue screen 3D-flop Land of the Lost.  (No really, you ...

Original Air Date: September 27, 1974 Written By: Edward J. Lakso Directed By: Arnold Laven As our episode opens, Burke, Virdon and Galen intercept a message to Urko that they've been spotted. The message is sent via a mirror that sort of looks like it's made from a giant coconut, as though The Professor managed to finally escape from Gilligan's Island only to again find himself stranded, this time on the planet of the apes. Professor: It is time to get a new travel agent to book your three-hour tours. Realizing this message could spell certain doom for them, our heroes use all their cunning and skill to execute a master plan to send a false signal: sneak up on the gorilla sending it and dispatch him with a flying, two-legged kick. Hai-keeba! Their enemy thus defeated, they use his signaling mirror to send false information about their location and throw Urko—who's been so anxious to find them he's been walking around like he either is taking or is trying to prevent taking a huge dump—well off the trail. Now that they've got a little wiggle room, the fugitives head for the village of Numai, where Galen insists they'll be save and the people are trustworthy. ...

It's not exactly a secret that movie sequels rarely live up to the quality of the movie they follow, much less surpass it. But it's not wholly unheard of, and so I present to you the ten best sequels that are actually better than the movie(s) before them. Quite frankly, it was tough to come up with ten titles, and I had to break a rule I set for myself a couple of times to make the list complete, but we'll discuss that when we come to it. Like right now, for example. #10: Army of Darkness Initially I didn't want to include any movies that were third in a series, wanting to deal expressly with initial movies and their immediate sequels. But first of all, that became difficult. Secondly, I would have been forced to overlook Army of Darkness, and overlooking Army of Darkness is the biggest mistake mortal man can make. CLICK THESE WORDS TO SEE AN AWESOME COLLECTION OF ARMY OF DARKNESS MOMENTS. I don't mean to say that the first two movies in the series, The Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 are in any way lacking, but holy cow is Army of Darkness a thing to see. It's the ...

Remember when Ozzy Osbourne made bad-ass music? Remember when he was scarily insane, as likely to remove the heads of you and your pets as to look at you, all while pissing on something you love? Remember when he was music's undisputed prince of darkness? You know, before he became a quaintly doddering coot, a vaguely avuncular embarrassment to everyone who ever rocked out to "N.I.B." Now he's in this commercial for some kind of cell phone or electronic day planner or tricorder or whatever the hell. The commercial—which I'm about to show you, admittedly playing right into Samsung's hands—plays on this new, amusingly non-threatening persona in a big way, making me hold my head in my hands and weep as I put Blizzard of Ozz on the turntable. It's so sad to see this happen to a dude who once rocked so very, very hard.How best to describe exactly what Ozzy's become? I think it's best summed up thus:

Jim Carrey is easily one of my least favorite people in the entire world. That fact wouldn't bother him, I'm sure; he's not out to impress me, and I guess a positive thing you could say about him is that the things he does, he does because he feels like it, without much regard for whether people want him to. Of course, the problem with that is one of the things he does is spew to anyone who will listen the completely ridiculous claim that vaccines give children autism. That idea is so far removed from anything resembling the reality we live in here on this planet, that the only conclusion you can draw is that people like Carrey, who repeat these bullshit claims, are either stupid or deliberately trying to get kids to contract infectious disease. You may think people aren't getting their medical information from a professional farter and his washed-up girlfriend, but they are. For celebrities like these to purposefully spread this kind of potentially lethal misinformation is unconscionable. What should we say to Jim Carrey about this? I think Captain Picard can say it best: But in less deadly news, it seems that Jim Carrey has gone even crazier ...

I love the internet for the same reason we all do: you can find shemale porn anything you want. Or so you would think! See if you can tell me what this guy... Mr. Mustache ...has in common with this guy... ??? ...not to mention this guy? Handsome! If you guessed that they are three of the eighteen results of a Google image search for "Ruth Bader Ginsborg," you are correct. And yet not a one of the other fifteen is a picture of a Supreme Court Justice decked out in robes and cybernetic implants, threatening to add your technological and biological distinctiveness to her own while penning dissenting opinions and shouting "certiorari is futile." People of the Internet: You are missing a huge opportunity. Though the fact that this picture here comes up on the first page of a search for "Worf" applies some much needed salve to my scarred feelings.

The Gladiators Original Air Date: September 20, 1974 Written by: Art Wallace Directed by: Don McDougall After last week’s daring escape, fugitive adventurers Burke, Virdon and Galen have been spotted in various places and seem to be headed toward the sea. If there’s one thing that Urko knows, it’s that in order to head for the sea you have to still be alive, so Urko is one pissed off mofo. He wants nothing more than to see the two astronauts and on renegade ape dead and probably, judging from how angry he is all the time, dismembered and with their heads on pikes in the town square. Since a journey of a thousand murders begins with a single step, Urko sends out one of his soldiers, Jason—that’s right, a gorilla named Jason—to travel to all the human settlements in the areas the fugitives have been seen. If for some reason you don’t know how things work in topsy-turvy societies of the future where apes dominate and men are beasts, I should explain that each human settlement is overseen by an ape prefect. It’d be like if you were a mayor of today, except instead of governing other people you just bossed around monkeys. So I ...

You think you know bad trailers? Guys, have I got a bad trailer for you. I can't imagine a worse trailer than this one for The Godfather. Watching this, you'd never guess it was advertising a movie many people consider to be the greatest ever made, or even a movie anyone would ever want to see. It's perhaps the most tedious three and a half minutes ever put on public display. Think about a trailer you've seen that got you so pumped up about a movie you almost dumped in your didies. We've all seen trailers like that. Has any of those trailers ever been an endless parade of still photos of things like license plates? I'd be willing to bet that the answer is no. And then there's the little matter of the trailer tipping its hand. By which, of course, I mean that it explicitly spells out everything that happens in the entire freaking movie, and I do mean everything. Three hours of masterful cinematic art rendered wholly pointless by three minutes of crap. Prepare to have your faith in The Godfather shaken to its very foundations.