Even as I type these words, I'm eating Kellogg's Limited Edition Indiana Jones Chocolate Cereal with Marshmallows. Can you believe it? You'd better believe it. I'm a man who loves special edition foodstuffs, especially when they're tied in with a movie or a holiday, and lord knows I'm a man who loves Indiana Jones, so this is right up my alley. The cereal pieces, they're basically Coco Puffs. That's fine by me, because Coco Puffs are truly tasty, as all right thinking people are well aware. Amongst these chocolatey nuggets are marshmallows in four distinct shapes. Here's what the box says the marshmallows are meant to represent, followed by what they actually look like. Indy's Hat - Brown bell? Dung heap? Temple of Akator - Yellow triangle Torch - Brown triangle with lumps Crystal Skull - Actually, this pretty much looks like it's supposed to I just ate two bowls, and rather than stop I think I'm just gonna keep eating and eating until the whole box is gone. If I could, I'd eat nothing but Indiana Jones cereal for the rest of my life. But of course, that won't be possible. It says right on the box that this is a limited edition, and this kind ...

I don't like updating you guys on celebrity gossip. I like to think our audience is smarter than the droves of "baby bump watchers" out there, who would slaughter their own spouse to hear the latest tidbit on a celebrity marriage. But this one was just a little too good to pass up. Cult leader Tom Cruise was called out by celebrity shrink Dr. Drew last week for his unrelenting zeal for Scientology. Drew had this to say: "Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood — maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect." Hey Dr. Drew -- it's not that hard. Scientology is a religion for profit. You pay for your membership. So becoming a leader in it is tantamount to becoming an executive at a major corporation. Get it? Still, the good Doc has a point. Cruise always struck me as quite the lonely, emotionally confused guy. It makes sense, then, that he would be attracted to a "religion" whose main selling point is the bashing ...

After Mark and me, the only movie reviewer I think isn't chock full of shit is Roger Ebert. Sure, there are times when I disagree with his positions, but I think he's usually right about things. And most importantly, when I don't think he's right, I can at least see his reasoning. But I have to take issue with something I've just read. See, I'm re-reading I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie, Ebert's pretty excellent collection of reviews of shitty films. In it, he has this to say about a movie called The Doom Generation. He gives the movie zero stars, which is just fine by me because it is indeed terrible, but just read this and bear with me. "[Director Gregg Araki] wants to make a blood-soaked, disgusting, disturbing movie about characters of low intelligence and little personal worth, but he's not willing to cop to that, and so by giving them smarmy pop-culture references and nihilistic dialogue, and filling the edges of the frame with satirical in-jokes and celebrity walk-ons...he's keeping himself at arm's length. Hey, if we're dumb enough to be offended by his sleazefest, that's our problem; Araki is, you see, a stylist, who can use concepts like ...